Support

My dear friend Ted and I just completed a 5 day re-set program using USANA nutrameal shakes and nutrition bars. My purpose was to attempt to curb my insatiable appetite for ice cream, chocolate cakelets with double the frosting, cookies, candy bars, pies, peach crisp ('tis the season) and pumpkin cheesecake. Ted's purpose was to be supportive of me. And that kind of support is a rare and wonderful trait.

And that is not all...

He didn't stop there. He asked me what the plan is from here. He offered to follow the Body for Life plan with me or continue to use a couple of shakes a day as meal replacements. The interesting thing about this whole thing, is Ted doesn't need to lose weight. He is vigilant about keeping a balanced diet (for the most part), weighs himself daily to make sure he doesn't get too far off track, and practices Bikram yoga 6 days a week. I, on the other hand, have allowed myself to gain back 40 pounds in the last year. I also attend Bikram yoga, but have been distressed to discover that bending over my belly is very difficult thing for the past few months.

So, here I am, learning how to surrender to the fact that when given an inch, sweet treats take a mile of my life. I'm learning to take things a day at a time, and wondering what I'll do when I feel stressed or sad, or happy and want to celebrate. How do I do that without my consistently available sugar plum fairy, my metaphor for Calgon?

I lost 100 pounds by my 50th birthday. My quest for health and to find the Anne that I no longer recognized; physically, emotionally, and spiritually, slowly turned into an ego watch for the numbers to indicate that I was finally acceptable. It was the spirit part of me that looked at my reflection while window shopping, and said, "Anne, I don't even recognize you anymore." It was grace that lifted me up and supported me along the way. It was my ego that took in the admiration when I advertised my weight loss, and has led to my fall. I made how my body looked too important. And now, I've had to re-learn how to like myself, how to accept my body as it is today, and surrender. The more I've tried to control my eating, the more fear I have experienced.

Today, I choose to let go of that fear and make life giving choices. Today, I am grateful for and value my body and health. I am committed to taking care of this body and being nice to it. Today I choose love no matter what the numbers say.

And I am grateful for my supportive friend, Ted.